Why Women Are Better Off Single!
Written By: @NikkiRabbiitt
Once, while tumbling through the drawers at Victoria’s Secret, I tweeted “finding the perfect bikini is harder than finding a faithful man in New York City,” I take that back. Finding a bikini is much easier; because even if it’s not perfect as a whole, u can always mix and match. And that’s how being single is. Since Mr. Perfect always seems to end up not being so right, you can date. All those pieces of men would add up to something. That’s the reason why when every guy approaches me with that one question that slithers out: why are you single? I have a familiar smirk.
The answer robotically is always… I’m just looking for the right one. But honestly it's because I’m tired, and a girl just wanna have fun. People are always saying to compromise with your partner, oh maybe he does this because of that, but since when is it okay to settle. You want the best for yourself. They say your environment is an extension of yourself and birds of a feather flock together. Don’t encourage and indulge on things that are below your standards, and if you don’t have one, GET SOME. It’s time to think about you. Where do you see yourself in three years? What would you like to achieve? What would hinder that? What would be an addition to that goal? Pick a partner that fits into your vision and standards. Stop settling!
Date! You don't know what you want until something you definitely don't want spins your way. I’m not saying you should use as an opportunity to make an ideal-man list now, that can leave you trapped. But say a few yeses, have fun and you'll know from the dating experience if a man is a potential, fun pass or an adios.
But you know what makes it harder? Or should I say easier being single?: the standards men have for women. They want only A and B and won't take a second look at C, because the men to women ratio gives them enough chances to do so. Women don’t have that luxury, but we have the luxury to drop them. They will be ok. There are always single women.
On the flip side of that coin, since women are outnumbered, the women in New York City are predators. Don’t believe me? Hold your man's hand and walk down the street; whether these women are single, dating or taken, they are going stare. I’m guilty of it too. And as one of the criminals, let me tell you what goes through our mind: what does she have that I don't? Is he really into her? If he looks at me in that preying way, he's not. And how secure is she with him? If she looks at me pissed off or disappointed, their relationship has some insecurity. And sometimes seeing those flaws makes a single woman happy because you might as well just be as single as her.
I'm also single because I can’t get over one of my exes. Not being able to do so carries the dishonesty and hurt into the next relationship, then it feels like you’re dating two people, or letting the new one suffer to make up for what the last lacked or what the previous was really good at. As much as you may feel like playing the field, give yourself some time to heal. The reason why some of the men are single, and prefer it that way, is because of those past experiences. Yes, I know they should grow up, but no one grows over night. My pastor, Rev A.R Bernard always says, change is not an event, it's a process. And that goes for you too. You wouldn't let go of bad habits over night, you wouldn't get over him overnight and a strong connection doesn’t grow overnight. That’s why you should be dating. Being single is ok.
Ok, well I know you get lonely and sometimes glare at the couple's PDA, and wish you weren’t going from men to men, or feel like you're tired of your friends getting confused about which guy you are talking about, but you don’t want to rush it and settle. That will be a choice you would have made that you'll have to live with. And why not make it knowing that it was thoroughly evaluated, and when you were ready.
Steve Harvey, in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, his secret guide to everything about how men think and choose relationships, says all men need 3 things: support, loyalty and the cookie, yes sex. Support and loyalty is second nature to a woman, and by loyalty he means letting your man know you are with him, and respecting that choice. As for the sex, believe it or not, if you are not giving it up, he'll get somewhere else, and I got the exes to prove it. But if you can offer it all, you know you got it already.
All you have to do is make yourself feel good by doing what you like and by making the right choices. That means dating so you know all the wrongs you cannot tolerate and searching for the rights you admire. And trust me doing you increases self-confidence, and ask any man, they would rather someone who's confident, than all glamour out of insecurity. I’m sorry, but the age-old advice is true; you have to love yourself first. Remember, when you're looking for that bikini, u want it to accentuate all the good parts of you, conceal the flaws and give you good attention, while making you feel confident to walk into the water.
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